flip

the donkey sounds funny. but he just reminds me of how lonely i feel too.

2 samuel 12

sin is like weeds. it starts as a seed sown and then watered. it germinates and demands more and more nutrients as it begins to take root and sprout. quickly it grows until larger than most plants around it. when there is finally an attempt to pull it out, there is a struggle. sometimes the one pulling becomes too weary from the effort. pruners appear and only the part seen above the soil is chopped and discarded. it doesn't die, but proves resilient, coming back bigger than before. pulling it out in its entirety takes determination and strength. hands get cut and calloused. there is the danger of pulling out other good plants with it. many times good soil comes up with the roots. but when the deed is finally done, hands are raised in victory. there is freedom and peace!

reminiscing

It's strange to think that one year ago I had just spent my first few days in Africa. I thought three months was a long time, but it has already been a year later! Crazy!!

(I think that this picture is actually of Mozambique, which is really fun to say, by the way.)

:) this picture makes me happy.

Do you ever have it that you just really want a hug?

today my heart is far away

I remember her for her singing and dancing. She would come to Bible Club and lead the kids in dancing and singing for hours without rest. She would then close by saying in both English and Chichewa, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. Alleluia? Alleluia!"

I remember her for the smiles and laughter that were so much a part of her. The happiness that wanted to spill over into others lives. The joy she had from knowing Jesus was evident from that glow her face held.

I remember her for the big hugs she would give that made me miss home less. The kind of hugs that made you feel like something was being communicated from the heart; that encompassed you with care and love and joy.

I remember her for welcoming me into her house, sharing what she had. I remember her proudly showing her photo album- her wedding day. I remember her and her husband walking me home that Sunday. And then today I got this...

"So I am alone and I am feeling very painful in my heart. And I want you Amy to help me in your prayer. Please, please, help me. My life in Jesus now is going down, because of problems in my life. So please help me in your prayer."

I see her now, in her small house. Broken down in tears. Missing her husband who left her for someone else. Everything- her family, her strong faith, her possessions, her health- taken away. The smiles and laughter, gone. The dancing and singing, now mournful. Her arms longing for a hug. Her soul longing for comfort.

"I am in trouble, my friend. (why?)"

I love you Chisomo. Today my heart is far away.

there is a connection!

getting up early has its benefits...

(Maybe one day I will be a bit more skilled at night shots.)

flying could get addicting...

but there really is no place like home.

family quotable quotes

"I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I just have no interest in it."

(I'm not sure why, but when I heard this, it struck me as quite amusing.)
(Also, I was just looking at my choice in comma placement; is it correct?)

i haven't posted in a while.

I’ve been realizing lately how many things I haven’t done in a long time: book reading, picture taking, room cleaning, journal writing. I may have to change that.

I went to the library today to return the ACT study books and came home with two books on grammar. I'm curious to find out how much I have to learn.

you don't have to have a green nose to be with it.

Things can be so clear when you read them in a story, but hard to put into practice in real life.

Waking up is hard work.
And I'm not even sure what that was supposed to mean.

bahoogerfum

Yesterday night, I was in a mood where situations and words were hilariously funny, even though in reality they aren't very humorous. I laughed all the way home from Church to the bewilderment of my mom and sister. The best thing is, I can still feel that laughter somewhere in my chest. It is a good feeling. I am glad I am in this mood, because otherwise the things that are humorous would have me groaning and quite miserable, I think.

the countdown begins...

22 more days until Christmas!!!

frustrated.

It bothers me when people don't recognize opinions for what they are. When, in their minds, they believe so firmly in their own opinions that they become facts. It bothers me when negative people are the ones that are heard. That so often, they get the last word in a discussion. It bothers me that these people have the power to make me second guess my own opinions. That they make me sway toward their way of thinking just because it is easier than arguing and disagreeing. Maybe we are both right or have an element of "rightness" in our ideas and we can find a middle ground. Maybe we can listen to one another and discuss. Maybe I am scared to do that because I am scared of conflict. Maybe we can try to see the others point of view. Maybe we can love eachother... even for our differences. Maybe I lack love.

I don't know what I am trying to say. Maybe I am just frustrated. And I'm not going to lie; I am curious to see how this all turns out.

"Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." -James 1:19.20

"The present is the point at which time touches eternity."
- C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

I think I must be being too nice. (Cough.) You see, I have this student who kind of likes me. Probably just as someone he enjoys and admires or something. And so, apparently he talks about me quite a bit. I suppose his father can't resist teasing him about it. And this young gentleman, being five years old, couldn't resist telling me...
And I'm not sure whether the appropriate response is to be flattered or embarrassed.

hoo boy!

"My dad says that you are my girlfriend."

in present pain.

I hate it when little things bother me a lot. Make me really angry or sad deep inside for no apparent reason. And then all the other things that I have held inside of me for a while all start to well up and I feel like I need to explode. Yell really loud or cry really hard. Sometimes I am glad for these times though. To know that my heart isn't so hard that I can't feel things and hurt. Because sometimes I can go for a long time without feeling anything. And I forget what it is like. But why can't I feel without the pain?

forcing me to remember that it wasn't just a dream...

Tonight I started writing a letter to some of the people I worked with in Malawi. (Wow! I have been back home for three months.) And then I have to think of what to say to these people. My life has kind of moved on. And there life probably hasn't. And how do you tell them that you kind of think of your time spent with them as a dream... a far off happening of the past. That you don't pray for them. Obviously you don't tell them that. You tell them how much you are thankful for them and that you wish you could see them again. This is hard. It's a good thing they won't know that I have procrastinated doing this until about four days before I have to give the letters to Manuel to take back to Malawi. That I will probably keep procrastinating until the last possible moment. Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a jerk. But I also can't help that they are so far away in so many different ways. Or is that just an excuse for the lack of love in my heart and absence of thought in my mind?